How Not to Lose Weight, A Cautionary Tale.

So a couple of months ago, not liking the alarming numbers my tortured scale was screaming out at me, I decided to join Weight Watchers.  My sister had joined down in Houston (although she’s 6 feet tall and looks like a supermodel, but whatever) and I thought we’d do it together.  Partners in crime, the dastardly duo, etc.  Weight Watchers has a pretty cool app that lets you connect with other members to keep track of weight loss, goals, and such, and since we talk almost daily anyway, we’d have built in constant support from each other.  Did I mention that she’s 6 feet tall and has cheekbones that could cut glass?  No?  Whatever.’s the thing.  It works.  This is by no means a sponsored post, I just kind of can’t believe it works for me.  I am all about food and 90% of the time, if I’m not eating it, I’m fantasizing about what I’ll eat next.  Willingly going without stuff that I love sounded like hell to me, but it’s been surprising easy and I’ve lost over 11 pounds already.

Here’s the deal.  Weight Watchers (hence forth to be known as WW, because I’m lazy) takes your age, height and weight and assigns you a number of points you get per day.  Each food item you eat is assigned a number of points.  Once your points are gone, you’re done eating for the day (ideally this is right before bedtime).  Example, I get 30 points per day.  Say I eat a boneless, skinless chicken breast for lunch.  That’s 2 points, so now I have 28 left for the day.  Oh, and on my program, fruits and veggies are FREE.  Fill your trough will all the fruits and veggies and go to town, Elsie.  Free.

HOWEVER.  I live in fear of running out of points while I’m still conscious and tend to hoard them.  This results in me occasionally finding myself suuuuuper hungry, which is never good, but with extra points, go me!

So tonight I realized I had gone past the point of hungry, and was full-on HANGRY.  “Stupid weight loss, stupid tight fat pants, stupid salad, I hate salad, it’s the devil’s toe jam of food”, etc.  I went for my go to snack, a frozen fruit smoothie with soy milk.  I usually buy a giant bag of frozen strawberries and bananas, but they were out, so I bought the mixed berry blend.

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And you guys?  It was a thing of beauty.  Deep purple in color, the thick, heavy, frozen consitancy of a Wendy’s Frosty (OMG I’d kill for a Frosty right now), and only 3 points.  I tucked in.  Spoon to face, spoon to face, snarfy, snarfy, goodgoodgood…and then it happened….I inhaled a goddamned blueberry.  Fwoop!  Right down my airway and probably sitting in one of my lungs.  I’ll probably get aspiration pneumonia just like Ozzy Osborne.  Blueberry Lung.  I’ll miss you guys.  Chocolate wouldn’t have done this to me.

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Allyson Sorenson

About Allyson Sorenson

Bangor mom. BDN blogger. Volvo lover. Coffee drinker.